just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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