I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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