you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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