I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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