hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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