I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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