I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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