next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize