I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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