haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
