You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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