is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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