Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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