i barfeds in our rink
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
