hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
