2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
