i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
