I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
