My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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