Betty ford says i'm here all night
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
