i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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