I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
