he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
