So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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