It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
