I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
