Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
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I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
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If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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