He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
