My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
