I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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