Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
