im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
