he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
