ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
