Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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