I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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