hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
