I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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