Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
