need another drink. this is the easiest way
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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