I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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