i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
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I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
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Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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