We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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