I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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