And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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