Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
