I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
