I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Quick, to the slutcave!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
