Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
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we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
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Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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