So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
