he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
