tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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