i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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