Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
