News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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