dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
she looked like the before picture.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
