the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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