How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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