OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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