Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
