I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
