my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
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Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
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It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize