Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
