I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
