I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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