If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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