Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
