8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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