Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
