Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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