It's Friday. Sex?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
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