I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
