just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
