how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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