I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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