I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
