guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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