i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
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did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
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I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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