is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
