i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
