I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
