I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
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He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
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I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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