You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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