You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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