The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
