im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
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His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
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Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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